Video gaming, as we know it, has a death countdown. In 2028, all physical releases will cease to be, forcing gamers to have to download digital games or pretend they loved Nintendo this whole time. Since digital downloads are spawns of evil corporate Satan and Nintendo won’t let you enjoy an 8-year-old game without shelling out $40 bucks, there is only one solution. Living off the grid with a collection of retro games.
What is the big deal about digital games? Digital games represent the streaming and convenience of our internet-heavy world. But unlike physical copies, digital games don’t belong to you. They are stored in a vault for the delight of the wealthy elite. The wealthy elite rent them out to you for the sheer pleasure of watching you lose. Also these elite have exclusive access to a switch that will turn off your game when you are feeling too content or wealthy. Physical games allow you to have complete offline ownership of a game. You have the freedom to play it as long as you want or you can sell it to GameStop for $1.50. In 2028, Sony and Microsoft declared that the price of buying blank CDs and using a DVD stamper could destroy their business. Anyone who buys a PS6 or Xbox-Steam rig will be serving the elite
The first step to sticking it to the man is finding a secluded cabin in the woods where electricity is produced by a generator or a network of potatoes. Electricity is often owned by greedy fat cats, so making your own organic power is a must. You don’t want the power companies getting wind that you own your own games and can play them at will.
Possible pitfalls: Talk to your wife about this new lifestyle and be prepared for the obvious separation she will want. Also, since your kids will only want to play Roblox and Fortnite, you will have to cut them loose too. Don’t worry about getting a second controller, no one will want to play with you.
Finding the right retro systems is key for sticking it to the man who wants you to download their imaginary games running on fake data. Even though Microsoft and Sony are to blame for robbing you of game ownership, it is okay to buy their older-gen consoles. Just because they sold their souls to the seventh circle of technology hell, doesn’t mean they didn’t have absolute bangers in the past. Unless you are stubborn about your convictions, then you can get a Dreamcast and play like twelve decent games. If you want to be a Nintendo retro collector, remember that collection comes with the burden of second mortgages, loans, and selling a kidney.
How do you know if a system is retro. The term retro is used loosely in gaming circles, but finding one is not that tricky. If the game console existed when music from Korn and Limp Bizkit was listened to then it is retro. A good rule of thumb, if the sale of the games causes a smile to Bill Gates then it is not retro. Also note, if games from Electronic Arts, Activision, or Ubisoft actually cause joy, then they are retro. Games that cause joy are no longer in their current branding.
Where do you get retro games? In the past ten years, it was near impossible to find retro games in the wild. You either had to hunt down a garage sale with a box of used goods sitting in an attic or you had to go on eBay. Today, gamers can go to their local GameStop and find their shelf of twelve versions of Madden for the Xbox 360.
The most important thing about gaming off the grid is knowing that there are endless amounts of content. If you don’t mind being horribly irrelevant to the Roblox generation, you can continue your very lucrative hobby