Dear Old Man,
It is the year 2086 and I can only imagine the amazing things that have come out in the last 60 years. The fact that you are still alive means that the healthcare system finally righted itself in America (crosses fingers). But despite my desire to know about the PlayStation 27 and flying cars, I have one question on my mind.
Are you still watching World Championship Wrestling matches on YouTube?
Bro, the franchise died in 2001 and rightly so. The lack of Ted Turner’s management, the failure to push young talent, and the backstage drama drove it into the ground. Oh sure, Sting and Lance Storm had a great match on that one Nitro, and the NWO is worth studying, but there’s no reason to keep your fascination with a brand that did nothing to earn your attention.
What about the Cruiserweights? Yes, I know that was WCW’s exciting staple in wrestling, but it’s 2086, and I bet lucha libre has jetpacks and cybercages. It shouldn’t be that exciting that Chris Jericho had the title in 1997 or that Rey Misterio and Kidman’s tag matches were such poetry. The world has moved on since then. Plus, your YouTube is probably a pill that you ingest that shows pictures in your mind. Why are you wasting such beautiful technology on VHS recordings of a dead wrestling franchise?
I know it’s a comfort food. No one is really looking to reminisce about the only company to beat WWE for 86 weeks. You happen upon a match between Fit Finlay and Bam Bam Bigelow, and you are sucked into late 90s sports entertainment. By the end of the night, you have binge-watched Bash at the Beach 96 and 97. Honestly, those were the golden moments of wrestling, but I imagine wrestling has evolved times 1000 where you live. John Cena’s grandson is probably the AI Champion of the VR Verse. A resurrected cyborg of Eddie Guerro has an unbeatable win streak, and the Undertaker is out of retirement for the fifth time. These are the moments that deserve your pro wrestling affections and not the company that made a match in a truck full of hay. You deserve better.
Yes, I know Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, and Kevin Nash are world-class heels that set the standard for wrestling drama; you are preaching to the choir. All I am asking is for you to let go of something old and outdated. You are probably still playing Little Big Planet on PS3, while the rest of the world has Mario Kart Deluxe 13 on a 50K monitor. I’ll let that one slide. Please, if you are still watching reruns of Thunder and Saturday Night, now is the time to evaluate your life. I am too far gone in 2026, but I have hope for you.
Tell your great-great-grandson, Juvi Hogan Mordenga, that I love him and miss him. Have a great rest of your life. Sincerely, Mike