After seeing the critically acclaimed Weapons, I was horrified, tickled, creeped out, entertained, and befuddled. Weapons is a bizarre mystery wrapped in a haunted clown costume and tied to a zombie film. As wonderful as Weapons was, I have some questions.

Warning spoilers:

  1. How many of those kids are getting can PTSD after ripping an old lady apart?
  2. Can 18 adolescents cleanly rip the jaw off of an old lady?
  3. Why does the old lady look like cancer face Ryan Reynolds?
  4. Is dreaming about clown children a side effect of losing your kids?
  5. Why does Wong and his partner like so many hotdogs?
  6. Does the voodoo mind manipulation have set rules or do you make it up as you go?
  7. What happens if your salt barrier gets blown away in the wind?
  8. No one witnessed 18 kids running at 2:17 am?
  9. Why does voodoo make you run like Naruto?
  10. When you are voodoo-zombied, how do you know when to open a door or jump through a window?
  11. Why does Gladis go to the junkie park to smile at junk dealers? Is that part of her weekly schedule?
  12. Capturing kids in your basement to heal yourself of cancer? Is this a proven remedy? Is there documentation on this? Are you spitballing this cure?
  13. Where does Aunt Gladis rank next to Freddy and Jason?
  14. Is everyone in Maybury seconds away from a public brawl?
  15. Grabbing a twig, tying a personal possession, pricking your finger, ringing a bell is a long process. How can we streamline it for busy people?
  16. If you are a sadistic witch that captures children, do you really need to look like a Golden Girl with bad cosmetic surgery?
  17. Does the magical zombie puppet tree grow all year long or is there a specific season and climate for its growth?
  18. Would it kill someone to turn on a light when they enter a room?
  19. Where on Wikihow can I find instructions for making my own weaponized voodoo children?
  20. Why does no one want the junkie’s stolen kid’s tablet? It could sell for at least $10.
  21. Where does this fit in the Marvel Universe?
  22. Can’t Josh Brolin use the mind stone to fix the kids or does he not have access to the Infinity Gauntlet yet?

That exhausts my questions for Weapons, the most bizarre and wild horror movie of 2025.