AI is everywhere, and it’s none more prevalent than in word processing. We live in a future where a computer can fix your essay or write your whole story all by itself. I wonder what would happen if I took the KJV of the Bible and asked AI to modernize it. Would it be kosher, or would it bring the bowls of wrath?
Today I will be using Chatgpt.com to modernize the scriptures.
Let’s start with a classic:
John 3:16-18 King James Version
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
Here’s how Chat GPT rewrote it:
God loved everyone so much that He sent His one and only Son, so that anyone who believes in Him won’t die but will have forever life.
God didn’t send His Son to point fingers or judge us, but to save us through Him.
If you believe in Him, you’re not judged. But if you don’t, you’re already judged because you haven’t trusted in God’s Son.
Verdict: I was expecting some creative NLT or MSG interpretation, but ChatGPT played it safe. Maybe the robot is sentient enough to fear God’s wrath.
Philippians 2:5-10 King James Version
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
I told ChatGPT to explain this to me like I was from the TikTok generation:
Think like Jesus did – He set the perfect example.
Even though Jesus was God, He didn’t try to flex His power or status.
Instead, He gave up His “celebrity” status and chose to serve others, looking just like a regular person.
When He lived as a man, He didn’t act like He was too good for anything. He humbled Himself and was even willing to die – and not just any death, but the brutal one on a cross.
Because of this, God lifted Him up to the highest place and gave Him a name that’s above all others.
So when Jesus’ name is mentioned, everything – from heaven to earth to below – will bow in respect.
Verdict: Once again, ChatGPT didn’t try anything fancy. They respected the core value of the message. I like that Jesus was going to look like a regular person (as opposed to what). This article will be unengaging if I don’t add some spice.
Revelation 20:1-5 King James Version
20 And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand.
2 And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years,
3 And cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season.
4 And I saw thrones, and they sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus, and for the word of God, and which had not worshipped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads, or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years.
5 But the rest of the dead lived not again until the thousand years were finished. This is the first resurrection.
I asked ChatGPT to explain this section as if it were written by a YA fiction author.
The sky cracked open like shattered glass, and from its heart, an angel descended—cloaked in light, wings blazing with divine fire. In one hand, he held an iron key that shimmered with ancient power. In the other? A chain. Not just any chain, but the Chain—the one forged for one purpose only: to bind the oldest evil the world had ever known.
Below, the world trembled as he approached the pit. Not a dungeon. Not a prison. A bottomless void, a dark place without time or end. The angel didn’t hesitate. He reached into the shadows and seized the dragon—yes, the Dragon. The one who whispered in Eden. The one whose name was written in nightmares: the Devil. Satan.
And he chained him.
For a thousand years, the great Deceiver would be locked away—sealed in darkness, his lies silenced, his reach broken. For a while, just a little while, the world would breathe again.
But peace wasn’t the whole story.
Across the new kingdom rose thrones—glowing, spectral, real—and seated on them were those who had paid the highest price. The martyrs. The faithful. The ones who had faced the beast and refused to bow. Some bore the ghostly mark of beheading, their lives taken for the truth they carried. But death hadn’t won. They were alive now—really alive—ruling alongside Christ in a kingdom of light and justice that would last for a millennium.
Yet beneath the surface, something waited. The rest of the dead—those untouched by this first great resurrection—remained still. Silent.
Their time would come. But not yet.
Verdict: ChatGPT lost its sense of politeness and went a bit too far. The retelling added an iron key, the devil’s origin story, and a cliffhanger. Apparently, if I am interpreting this correctly, there is a different kind of creature waiting underground.
The retelling is not too far off, and that just goes to show that AI has finally been repurposed from being a mutated amalgamation of oddities into a well-oiled machine that spits back your own words.
Psalm 23 King James Version
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Time for the finale. How about Psalm 23 written in a sarcastic tone from Tinywow.com?
Oh, look at that—“The Lord is my shepherd.” How original! I guess that means I’ll never have to worry about a thing, right?
He makes me lie down in those oh-so-inviting green pastures. Because, you know, who wouldn’t want to take a nap in a field? And let’s not forget the still waters—so serene, so peaceful. Just what I need to unwind from my hectic life of… well, whatever it is I do.
He’s all about restoring my soul, leading me down the “paths of righteousness.” Because clearly, I need a GPS for that. And let’s be real, walking through the “valley of the shadow of death”? Sounds like a delightful stroll! But hey, no fear here! I mean, who wouldn’t feel comforted by a rod and staff? Nothing says “I’ve got your back” like a good old-fashioned shepherd’s tool.
And then there’s the part where He prepares a table for me in front of my enemies. How thoughtful! Nothing like a nice meal to really rub it in their faces. And let’s not forget the oil on my head—because who doesn’t love a greasy scalp? My cup is overflowing, which is just fantastic, unless you’re trying to avoid a mess.
But hey, I’m sure goodness and mercy will be right behind me, like a couple of loyal puppies, all the days of my life. And I’ll be living in the house of the Lord forever. Sounds cozy, doesn’t it?
Verdict: Wow! I didn’t know you could take the most peaceful and vulnerable poem in the Bible and turn it into a scathing backhanded compliment. I feel dirty for pasting this. I learned my lesson. AI is very professional and boring unless you ask it to be rude.
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